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For decades, the "fact" that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce has permeated the U.S. culture. And a raised eyebrow has been constantly directed at the Church, whose divorce rate was thought to have reached 50 percent as well.

These condemning statistics — and many more — have been repeatedly quoted by leading experts, the media, and even from the pulpit as fact.

But the results of an intensive study have revealed that oft repeated "facts" on marriage statistics are fiction. Moreover, these "facts" are not even close to accurate.

Shaunti Feldhahn
Feldhahn

Shaunti Feldhahn, a Harvard-trained social researcher, spent eight years researching the facts about marriage statistics with her senior researcher, Tally Whitehead. What they discovered surprised even them — marriage in the United States is an incredibly successful institution.

According to their findings, the urban legends that became "marital facts" were based on decades-old "projections," not facts. The actual numbers tell quite a different story.

When comparing the actual statistics to what are now nothing more than "marriage urban legends," the differences are shocking:

* More than 70 percent of all first-time marriages are still intact. Of the less than 30 percent no longer together, that figure includes widows/widowers whose spouses have died.

* The divorce rate of those who attend church is less than that of those who do not attend — up to 50 percent less. Based on her exhaustive research, Feldhahn says the divorce rate of those who regularly attend church is likely in the teens to single digits.

* Feldhahn's study found that 80 percent of married people consider themselves happily married.

* She also discovered that most remarriages are successful.

Dr. Greg Smalley, vice president of Family Ministries at Focus on the Family, adds that there's even a statistical difference when it comes to Christian marriages. "The truth is, there's a huge difference between Christlike marriages and two Christians who are married," he states. "There is almost no divorce with the first — people who pursue Christ, they're staying together because Christ makes a difference."

Smalley also cites another significant study concerning couples who described their marriages as "in crisis" five years ago. Of the couples who chose to stay together, two-thirds now rate their marriages as satisfying.

Greg Smalley
Smalley

"When people hit rocky times, their hearts tend to shut down, they give up and they believe their marriage is over . . . the media and statistics continually reinforce that message," Smalley observes. "But for those who hang in there, weather the storm, and get the help they need, two-thirds now love their marriage!"

Roger Gibson, senior director of Adult and Family Ministries at the AG national offices, was greatly encouraged by Feldhahn's findings.

"Overall, this is groundbreaking for the church and culture," Gibson says. "I think a lot of pastors, leaders and couples have been so influenced by the negative press of divorce statistics that we simply started to give up on marriage. Against such a pessimistic cultural view, Shaunti's research puts the fight back into the case for marriage."

In her quest for the truth, Feldhahn says that she "spoke with leading researchers, dug into the complexities, and began realizing the vast scope of misinformation, incorrectly-interpreted research, studies that downplayed positive findings, and quite often, commonly-cited statistics based on studies that didn't even exist."

One of the most troubling results of her findings is that for decades, some of the most common statistics about marriage were not only unfounded, they discouraged those considering marriage and those who were already married. The statistics seemed to unequivocally declare that the chances of having a lasting marriage, much less a happy one, were far from certain — and the odds were getting worse all the time.

But even that's not true. Feldhahn says that in fact, divorce rates have been declining, despite the promulgation of the urban legends surrounding marriage.

Gary Allen
Allen

Gary Allen, a former U.S. Navy and police chaplain who spent nearly 30 years pastoring Assemblies of God churches, is currently the pastoral advisor/counselor at the AG National Leadership and Resource Center (NLRC). He says Feldhahn's findings confirm what he has personally believed, but had no way to prove.

"In all my years as a chaplain, neither the Navy or police stations I worked with had a divorce rate near 50 percent," Allen states. "And in the churches I served, the couples I married, I believe nearly all of them are still married."

Allen adds that he read on an online dating site that in a survey of more than 19,000 couples married between 2005 and 2012 through the help of this online service, the marital break-ups were under four percent.

Although the time frame is relatively brief (7 years), Allen says this example shows the importance of being intentional in marriage. "As a pastor, couples who came to me went through six weeks of intensive pre-marital counseling," he says. "So, I believe, through my personal experiences, the online study, and Feldhahn's research, with just a little effort on the front end, marriage should be an anticipated successful venture — nothing like this 'roll of the dice,' 50-50 chance that we've been led to believe."

Smalley agrees and says that you can't underestimate the impact of hope — or the lack of it — in marriage.

"I've interviewed many millennials," he says, "and even though they've come from the most divorced generation in the history of our nation, their desire is to be married for a lifetime, but they're not sure it's possible. They've heard over and over again the 50 percent divorce rate; that statistic sticks with them and they're afraid."

And even when marriage is entered into, there is still the spiritual aspect to consider.

"Satan is so attacking us during this time," Smalley says. "We don't often talk about the spiritual battle that is going on, but Satan wants to destroy marriages - he's saying 'You're right, you'll never make it, your marriage is doomed.'"

Roger Gibson
Gibson

But Smalley says when young people are given hope, when they hear that 60-70 percent of marriages are making it, there's a different mindset about marriage, not to mention the ability to weather the difficult times marriages can experience.

"Give people even a tiny bit of hope to hold on to," Smalley observes, "and they start thinking that if someone else can make it, maybe they can too!"

Gibson says Feldhahn's research could ultimately shape the culture of future generations who might think marriage is "old school."

"With cohabitation on the rise over the years, it is obvious many couples don't value marriage or the covenant between husband, wife and God," Gibson says. "However, with Shaunti's new discovery of marriage between husband and wife showing a higher level of happiness, it could be the tipping point to the revitalization of the family."

Feldhahn's findings are also significant for churches and ministries.

"This is our opportunity to cultivate a different mindset about marriage," Smalley says. "Marriage is amazing. God designed it — it's His idea, and God doesn't create junk. It is not only possible, but it's expected that you will have a successful marriage!"

 


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National Girls Ministries missions giving breaks another record

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 - 4:14 PM CST

Some Olympic records such as Bob Beamon's (USA) 1968 Olympic long jump record of 29 feet 2 inches can hold for decades. Others might be broken more than once in one Olympic competition, as with the 2012 British Cycling Women Team Pursuit, that broke the world record in each round of the competition and finished with the gold medal.

The Coins for Kids total giving for the 2012 project - Alaska: the place of God - has broken the project giving record for the third year in a row! Girls across the United States gave $215,276.34 to help build a permanent multi-purpose building at Camp Agaiutim Nune (Camp AN) in Western Alaska. The amount beats last year's giving record of $201,263.

Candy Tolbert
Tolbert

"We are absolutely blown away," exclaims Candy Tolbert, national Girls Ministries Director. "Our giving year for Alaska was actually closer to 9 months than 12 this year. Project giving has been from April to March until this year. Due to that, churches could give to the 2011 South Africa project through March 2012. From that point on, offerings were dedicated to Alaska. In a year of transition, God has provided."

In faith, missionaries Jim and Linda Schulz began making preparations throughout the year to build the new multi-purpose building. Due to the limited weeks of good building weather, camps will be held in the drafty tents for one last summer. Teams are in place to deliver materials and begin building on July 1. A dedication of the new building is scheduled for Summer 2014.

"I knew from the beginning that this project was birthed in our hearts and His timing was perfect," says Schulz. "Thank you to the girls and leaders across the nation for being sensitive to the Holy Spirit to give and to come along side us in prayer."

"The girls in our clubs have once again taken the Coins for Kids project to heart," Tolbert adds tearfully. "They have given to help the Yupik people of Alaska have a place to come and hear the salvation message and grow in their relationship with the God of the universe. Teaching girls about the Great Commission is one of the greatest purposes of Girls Ministries Girls Clubs. I am thrilled to see girls giving so faithfully."

As churches heard about the Alaska project many without Girls Clubs that just had a heart for the project gave too. These churches and Royal Rangers Outposts gave an additional $12,748.93.

"We might not have reached our Coins for Kids goal of $225,000 for this project through the giving of the girls in our clubs," says Tolbert, "but with the help of some Royal Rangers and other churches, Camp AN will receive enough funds to construct a building where Yupik children, youth and families can come each summer and experience a relationship with God in a warm, dry environment."

Coins for Kids is a BGMC (Boys and Girls Missionary Challenge) endorsed effort. For more information about Girls Ministries and Coins for Kids, click here.

Authors: Lori Van Veen

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