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Messy Mentoring

By Sandra Bradford

Mentoring, discipling, or counseling. The term has changed through the years, but to me all have the components of sharing life, giving guidance, and trusting for growth. I have been a part of such relationships more by accident than intentionality. Through my years as a teacher, I had some students seek me out. Some came for counsel, some for friendship, and some to meet the neediness of their hearts. I discovered that some "needy" students went from one crisis to another, perpetuating a reason to come to me. Balance was needed to meet with the dependent ones as well as to offer opportunity to the healthy ones.

Through my years as a pastor's wife, I have also had mentoring relationships with women. Often I felt the need to have the right answer, the solution that would "fix" things for them. Sometimes I could celebrate their own discovery of truth and its application to their lives. Sometimes advice was taken, sometimes it was ignored. But through these relationships I have felt privileged to be allowed into these women's hearts and worlds.

An important goal for me has been to mentor my own children. I believe since God gave me children, He has called me to mentor them. Though we pastored wonderful churches and had vibrant ministries for our children throughout their formative years, I felt it was very important to intentionally invest in them. I have two wonderful daughters with whom I shared my life, my mistakes, my joys, and incorporated them into as much of my life and ministry as they would want. There are always demands in ministry, but my commitment to mentor my children has been a priority.

Sometimes I have struggled with insecurity of not being wise and mature enough to mentor anyone. Finally, I realized that if I was living my life to please and honor God, then that qualified me to invite someone to come alongside me in the journey. Yes, there are some mentors who are profound and acclaimed, but God does not call or equip all of us the same way. But I believe He does challenge us to be willing to say "Follow me as I follow Christ."

I have experienced pain from being close to women who later turned around and hurt me. Because of the undefined parameters of mentoring, my personal life was affected by the choices of one of these young women. It took me a long time to let go of the hurt and bitterness that I allowed in my heart. But the Master Mentor taught me many things through that situation.

When you begin the give and take in a relationship like this, you have no guarantees what will happen. Vulnerability is a part of the equation. After that encounter I was leery of being involved in another mentoring relationship. I preferred the "let's have coffee" scenario and experienced many wonderful times of sharing life. Sometimes the periodic "coffees" spanned years, other times just an occasional chat, but I again could celebrate the privilege of being involved in other women's lives.

Whether one calls it "having coffee" or "mentoring" or "discipling," I believe it is a biblical mandate to share our lives with others. We are to encourage one another, to make disciples, and to give to others. Whether well prescribed or organic it may become "messy." Despite the potential "messiness," may we be willing to follow Christ's example of allowing others into our lives, sharing, caring, and growing together.

 

 

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