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In Control Where It Counts

By Deanna Shrodes

Enrichment Journal, summer 2002

"Ugh! Things feel so out of control!" As a pastor's wife, have you ever lamented this? If so, you're not alone. A recent survey showed that pastor's wives feel a general lack of control over their life situations. When I heard this, I felt comforted that I wasn't alone. I don't believe this is a perceived lack of control; I believe it is reality.

Family finances often have us feeling out of control. Do you cringe when the congregation reviews your salary package at the annual business meeting? This annual ritual leaves many wives feeling embarrassed, somewhat violated, and yes, out of control. The lack of privacy is one area in the ministry that can go beyond our comfort zone.

Pastoral transitions can also leave us feeling out of control. Matters about the church-owned parsonage can leave a pastor's wife feeling completely out of the loop. Many pastors' wives are not allowed to select their own colors or the paint on the bedroom walls. The church people have already determined this before they arrive.

GOD'S REASSURING VOICE

Discouraged about my seemingly out of control life, God spoke to me. First, He reassured me that He was in control. Second, He told me He had given me control in areas that really counted. Hearing this was puzzling. Then God began to show me that I was not left without choices in life. In fact, He had given me choices in abundance.

God has given me control over my relationship with Him

In 1 Samuel 30:6, we read that David encouraged himself in the Lord. It seemed all was against David. His followers were even talking about stoning him. Learn from David's example. He took the initiative and evidently spent time alone with God to receive the strength he needed. Without time spent in the secret place, we will feel even more out of control than we really are. Everything flows out of our intimate time with God.

God has given me control in taking care of myself physically

In the last presidential election, reporters were uncovering every seemingly possibly personal detail about the candidates. After receiving a copy of the candidates' schedules, reporters discovered that George W. Bush took an hour for jogging every afternoon. They asked him, "You leave work every afternoon for an hour. Should we take that to mean you are a lazy candidate?"

He replied, "No, you should take that to mean I place a priority on caring for myself physically and am in the best shape possible to become the President of the United States."

If the President can find time to keep himself physically fit, can't we? For me, this means eating right, getting proper rest, exercising, and having regular check ups.

God has given me control over my emotional needs

God has created us as emotional beings with emotional needs. Sometimes negative emotions rise to the surface as we deal with life and ministry. It is crucial that we have a safe place to reveal those emotions and deal with them. There is nothing like the friendship of another woman in ministry who can listen and understand, without judgment. I once heard a speaker at a conference say, "The weight of the pastoral ministry defies explanation to those who are outside of it."

My husband and I have learned to meet new ministers and cultivate friendships. Sectional and district meetings have been a priority for us. God has brought us wonderful friends through these times of fellowship.

For the more serious challenges in life and ministry, I am grateful for EMERGE Ministries. Through their pastoral counseling line at 1-800-867-4011, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. CST, Monday through Friday, you can receive the highest professional care from those who know the burdens of the pastorate.

God has given me control in following His call to be a pastor's wife

Many key people are in our church, but I am unique in that I am called as the one to be wife to the pastor. No one else in our church is called to this role. By my actions and attitudes, I can be a support to my husband, or a negative drain. This is a choice I am given each day. I have learned that the key to a healthy marriage is unconditional love, servanthood, and liberal doses of forgiveness. If my marriage fails, it is not my church's fault. God has given me control in making my marriage relationship a priority. For me, this means prioritizing time to communicate, going on regular dates, using our answering machine to screen calls so we can have uninterrupted time together, and choosing to minister to my husband first.

God has given me control in deciding to be a godly mother

Dr. Laura Schlessinger says that there is one job in which we can never be replaced—that of mother. She's right. God has blessed my husband and me with three children. No matter what other things in my life may be dictated by others, I wake up each morning knowing that I have a ministry in impacting three lives for Jesus.
I have control in setting the tone for our home. While our husbands are leaders in the home, a woman's attitude sets the climate. God has given me control in making our home a loving, peaceful, creative, and warm place.

God has given me control in spending wisely

Although church people may know the details of our salary, they don't control how we spend it. These details are private. We can be wise or foolish in our spending. We have the privilege of tithing, giving offerings, and paying our bills on time. Although others may set and publicly disclose our church salary, they are not our source.

God has given me control in continual growth and learning

It's been said, "When you're through learning, you're through!" We are always in process, on a journey. God is sometimes more interested in the process than He is in the destination. One of the major ways we grow is through reading. Leaders read, and readers lead. It is up to me to grow. For me, this means taking advantage of a wide variety of books, tapes, videos, conferences, and seminars.

God has given me control in avoiding bitterness

Bitterness does not destroy what it is poured out on, only the vessel in which it is contained. When we choose to be bitter, we only destroy ourselves. Many times those we are bitter at don't even realize it, nor care. Bitterness negatively affects our physical bodies and our spiritual well-being. God has given me the choice, the control, to become bitter or better.

God has given me control over my time

We are all given 24 hours every day. In my personal life, family life, and church life, God has entrusted me with my own schedule. As an influencer, I have responsibility not only for my time, but also for my children's time. For the peace and general health of my family, limiting my children to one sport a season and one musical instrument at a time is necessary. Combined with school and church activities, this is more than enough. It is better to do one or two things with excellence than ten things poorly. Controlling my time improves as I increase my organizational skills, listing what I would like to accomplish each day, and trying to simplify wherever possible.

God has given me control of my attitude

We may not be able to change or control circumstances, but there is one thing we can change—ourselves. God expects us to have self-control. One day I was frustrated with several situations. I could do nothing to change all the problems, but I realized I could change myself. If nothing else, I was better equipped to deal with the ongoing challenges.

What does all this add up to? A lot of control—more than I ever thought I had, and in ways that really count.

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