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Ministry Wives in the Workforce: Balancing Job, Family, and Church Responsibilities

By Gabriele Rienas

Enrichment Journal, winter 2008

Q: We pastor a church that is unable to support us financially. I work full-time to help with family expenses. I want to do my part, but I have become stressed out, overwhelmed, and disconnected from the church. We cannot make it without my income, but I am beginning to feel resentful of this obligation.

A:Even though your situation is challenging, you are in good company. Nearly 60 percent of ministers' wives are in the workforce and are trying to balance job, family, and church responsibilities. Some pastors' wives desire to work outside the home. These women have made a choice to pursue their passion and are more likely to report positive feelings and a sense of well-being. Others, like yourself, must work because of financial needs. Women in this group are more likely to struggle with time demands and the frustration that comes with unmet expectations. They may feel disconnected from other women who have more time to socialize.

Assuming you are praying for God's direction and favor in your circumstances, revisit your employment situation with your husband and explore alternatives. Since your job is full time, would part time be a possibility? Would a different job give you more flexibility? Is working out of your home a possibility? Is telecommuting an option? Discouragement sets in when we assume we are stuck and without options. If you have difficulty coming up with choices, ask a trusted outside source for input. You may have missed an alternative.

Explore the possibility of your husband supplementing the family income. This would need to be discussed with the church leadership team. In most cases church boards are empathetic to financial needs and concerns. They may even have some ideas or solutions.

The biggest challenge for you will be internal. When you begin to feel resentful, it is a sign that the issue needs to be resolved in your heart. Discuss your feelings with a trusted friend or mentor. Pray with your spouse and others about your options and your future. Use this situation to draw into a closer relationship with the Lord who is in charge of every area of your life.

Adjust your expectations. In addition to the fact you are limited in your humanity, keep in mind that time is fixed and finite. Prayerfully prioritize your goals, letting go of obligations that are beyond your capacity to fulfill. Turn your full attention to goals you can realistically accomplish under the circumstances. Turn the rest over to the loving Savior. Essentially, it is necessary to give up control and let some things go undone, and trust God to fill the void in His timing. For those of us who like to control things, this is a challenge (Job 37:14–22).

Along with adjusting your expectations, let others help you. As simplistic as this sounds, we often discount this solution. Self-reliance is overrated. Let others bless you with their time and resources and learn to receive these as gifts from God. In this season of your life, God may not completely deliver you from your work responsibilities, but He may send help in other ways — with children, household duties, prayer support. Even chocolate therapy should be received with gratitude.

If you are ministry oriented, find a way to express your calling in creative ways. Rethink the traditional ways of ministering to people. You may not be able to lead a Tuesday morning ladies Bible study, but perhaps you could mentor a young mom in the evenings after the children are in bed. You may not have time to lead the entire children's church program, but you can be an aide in a classroom without committing yourself to very much preparation time. You could even start a Bible study on your lunch hour at work.

Anyone who wears many hats must be diligent about personal stewardship. Stewardship extends beyond financial diligence and involves your physical and emotional health. In other words, take care of your body and your psyche. Healthy self-care and rest are important in developing stamina and resilience.

For whatever reason, God has you in this place for a season. Remember that the same One who calls you also equips you to do the task. Let your circumstances draw you closer to the Source of your strength and the answer to your dilemmas — your loving Heavenly Father.

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