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Who's In Charge Here?

By Gabriele Rienas

Enrichment Journal, winter 2007

Q: My husband and I recently changed pastorates. The woman in charge of Women's Ministries in our new church has been in place a long time. She takes a great deal of ownership, even though it is small and ineffective. I have run Women's Ministries in the past and disagree with the way things are currently being done. What can I do?

A:This kind of dilemma is familiar to anyone who has been in the ministry any length of time. Addressing it requires not only patience and sensitivity, but also creativity and boldness. If the pastor's wife is a visionary person with leadership capabilities, these gifts allow her to access situations and conceive of better ways to approach them. At the same time, frustration can result if situations stay stagnant and unproductive.

Resist the urge to react too abruptly. Instead, take time to pray and think through the situation. God will use your gifts and talents if you are submitted to Him. See it as a timing issue and be patient.

Take time to try to understand the Women's Ministries leader's motivation. If she is cooperative, meet with her and express interest in her heart and passion. How did she come to be in this position? What motivates her? What is her passion? How does she envision the future of Women's Ministries? Expressing interest in her as a person, ask these questions in an unanxious, undefensive way. Determine where her strongest gifts lie. Often, the things she is most passionate about will reveal her strengths. Are her strengths in serving, reaching out to the lost, or ministering to the needy? Is prayer her focus or is it studying the Word? Is she a great fund-raiser or does she focus on seasonal events? What facets of the ministry is she most excited about, and where has the ministry been most successful under her leadership?

Ascertain if she acknowledges her own areas of frustration or weakness. Chances are good, if she feels undefensive, she will confirm some of the struggles you are noticing, having recognized them herself. (For example: "I love the Women's Prayer group, but I am frustrated more people do not get involved.") Offer to help in these specific areas. ("I would like to help by coming up with new ideas to get more women involved. Would you be open to my input?") In many churches, the pastor's wife is an honorary Women's Ministries cochair. If this is true in your church, let her know you would like to fill this role and bring assistance to what is already being done.

Consider adding more people to the leadership team. This will bring more input and inevitably bring about change as new ideas are introduced, launched, and carried out. Consult with the current Women's Ministries leader about these additions and enlist her cooperation and endorsement if possible.

Find out the role the previous pastor's wife played and what her relationship was like with this person. It may help you understand what motivates this leader's stance. Remember, people will not necessarily respond to a pastor's wife's personality, but to her role and what she has experienced from others in her position in the past. This requires a pastor's wife to be the bigger, more understanding person, which is much to ask, but beneficial to her personal growth.

In certain extreme situations a leader can establish an unhealthy ownership over an area of ministry. Women's Ministries leaders are not exempt from this possibility. Possessiveness will be evidenced by resistance to any input or suggestions as well as the need to undermine any attempts to work under the leadership of the pastor and his wife. If everything has been tried to form a positive team relationship with the person, yet she continues to manifest hostility and resistance, it may be time for the pastor to step in and clarify the lines of accountability.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). The pastor's wife needs to make it her objective to do everything in her power to maintain peace between the leader and herself. Do this by staying undefensive, noncombative, and resisting the urge to discuss the situation with others in the church. When, and if, the time comes to take a firmer stand, she should do so graciously and kindly with the backing of her husband. Above all, remember it is God's church we serve. Trust His sovereignty in all things — even in leadership designations.

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